He was so dramatic
Standing in front of the mirror
Wearing his best black suit
With red rose in the buttonhole
He placed the instrument in his mouth
And waited until it gets warm and ready
Smiling to himself with the distraction
Of a person who doesn’t feel anymore.
He pulled the trigger suddenly
And fell like a jacket
Dropped from someone’s shoulders
But his bare soul stayed there
In front of the truthful mirror
Nodding its head and smiling with predomination
Getting lighter and lighter
With every passing minute
MON'S CHAMBER OF THOUGHTS 
Extremely well written that it evoked strong emotions. 🙂
Loved this piece. I kinda have a thing for such poems.
very powerful, enjoyed it!
Hey Mon, I’m going to take a risk of offending here, but in your intro you ask for feedback. I really like your stuff – but as a pedant the errors interrupt the flow for me. Please take it as the compliment it is and not me being picky. When you’ve done something as good as you have, it deserves to be right.
So – if you make these changes, the poem is in a consistent tense, and importantly the present tense, helping give it drama.
He is so dramatic…
With a red rose in the buttonhole
He places the instrument in his mouth
And waits until it gets warm and ready
He pulls the trigger suddenly
And falls like a jacket
Dropped from someone’s shoulder
But his bare soul stays there
If I haven’t completely pee’d you off, I’d happily feedback more. I genuinely admire your ability to construct poetry in a second language, and hope I’m helping not insulting.
ROS
WoW! such poweer in these words, didn’t expect this to be going where it went after the first line … until the word “trigger”. The line “dropped like a jacket … ” is awesome.
More please.
Thank you. In memory of a 24 year old who took his life in our town yesterday. Life is so empty for so many.
Peace!
the emotional weight in this poem for me is in these lines…
Smiling to himself with the distraction
Of a person who doesn’t feel anymore…grabs me with deep sadness and i wish he had found another way out.. well written
I have had this same imagery floating through my mind for the last couple of days. I wanted to post something to reflect my thoughts, but I was worried it would not be well received. I don’t want people to think I am suicidal, just because I think about suicide sometimes.