Canyon

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I can feel the edge right under my feet

I am now conscious after such a long time

Shall I fall right now or stay still, incomplete?

 

I was safe and risking it seems to be a crime

My legs are shaking – there’s no one around

What if you don’t catch me, will I be fine?

 

I’m struggling to handle these feelings I found

I fear the way you filled the empty space

My heart beats so fast I can hear its sound

 

I’m trying to bring the memory of your face

Is it worth jumping and loosing myself?

I don’t know what to do, my brain’s someplace else

 

I’m fighting, I’m crumbling, and I’m losing my health

Without the safety net I shall fully live at last

Don’t want the big fame, don’t care about wealth

 

Nothing exists no more, love took over so fast

It’s time to fall into the canyon in my heart

I’ll spread my arms and say ‘goodbye’ to the past

 

The truth is we should never be apart

When it comes to love no woman can be smart

 

 

Longing

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In the jar of monotony I fell in so deep

Forgot how it feels to hold loving hand

Never stood still since I left my homeland

So far from loved ones my heart fell asleep

Did not want the pain, did not want to weep

My dream fell apart, that’s not what I planned

Never intended to build castles in the sand

I struggled I battled I started to creep

 

Now I still yearn but I found my way

I found what I needed I relieved my pain

I know I am on the right track today

I’m brought back to life, I’m hopeful again

Where I am right now I will always stay

Thanks to you my friends – Happy I’ll remain

 

Ambrosia

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I’m like a magician

I steal your dreams and smiles

And fill my pockets with them

To bring it home

And fall asleep

With them hidden under my pillow

Don’t ask me

What am I going to do

When you leave me

Ask me

What am I going to do

If you are never going to come back

Can’t you see my thirst

When you look into my eyes?

Don’t you know my dreams

When I fall asleep with my head on your shoulder?

I want to bribe the time

To make moments last longer

And make the days taste sweeter

It doesn’t matter you can’t be mine

It matters how many times you were there

Just for me…

I’m like a pot

I let you drink delight from

Until you get dizzy and faint.

Raven

 

He visits my window every morning

Proud, beautiful and bizarre

Rejected by others, alone

But gifted with extraordinary power

Marvellous wings

Shine in my darkness

Where the light

Makes me sick.

He soars with the wind

To fly in his loneliness

Innocent but meant to be alone

Till the end of his days

He appears in my window

And he looks into my soul

Fulfilling it with his power

And making me feel calm 

When he flies away I know

He will be back

Forever connected

With the chain of similarities

Me and my white raven

Oh How I Hate Mornings

Blood in my veins has slowed down

Eyelids are extremely heavy

And I have to pinch myself

For them not to fall

Tick Tock

Tick Tock

Annoying yellow walls

Seem to be even brighter

In the morning rays of sunshine

It irritates me and my eyes.

Tick Tock

Tick Tock

I uncontrollably keep scratching

the pink polish off my nails –

-Impatient like never before

Thoughts in my head are broken

Into uneven little pieces

Like a child’s jigsaw puzzle

And it seems impossible

To put them back together.

Tick Tock

Tick Tock

The landscape picture on the wall

reminds me of something

A place from my childhood…

Or maybe not the place itself

But the specific atmosphere

i subconsciously attached to it.

The sound of pens

Scratching the paper brutally

Is getting louder

And so is the ticking

of my impatient watch.

Tick tock,

Tick tock…

The smell of someone else’s coffee

is teasing my throat painfully

Craving for caffeine has reached the point,

When I can’t think about anything else

The silent clock above the wooden door…

Even though I know it doesn’t work

And in this particular room is always 9.35

I still look at it subconsciously.

Tick tock

Tick tock…

 

Gift

One hour, two hours…

Fifth one, fiftieth one…

That’s how the world

Passes you by

You play the role

Of an observer

In the stage of life

You’re overacting

Why hide?

Why pretend?

And grit your teeth?

Be yourself for once

Take the mask off

Reject the rules

With smile side by side

Run barefoot

Across the purple meadow

In the center of universe

Feel the taste of a laugh

Feel the touch of a breath

And in this madness stay

Stay and live

Take others with you

Every lonely soul

Who’s forgotten

That life is for living.

That life is a gift…

Abbadon

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You’re like a fallen angel with a broken wing

Your eyes never see or notice any disaster

Simply because you don’t worry about a thing

Risk is your advisor and Dishonesty your master.

 

You hide your face behind dark mask and a hat

You blink your eyes and smile with grace

You’re not going to fool anyone with that

Not me, not yourself, not a whole human race

 

I’m knocking on your heart’s door, anyone there?

Some decency maybe, remains of your soul?

Your true colors underneath costumes you wear

Abandon them, they won’t let you breathe at all…

 

But there’s still hope, there’s still tomorrow

You can rescue your soul and let it shine

You won’t hurt anyone, won’t cause any sorrow

Be yourself, be truthful and then just be mine

When I got letter from You

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It’s 4.30pm in Preston,

Another cloudy but warm Thursday.

It’s 2010 and I’m sat on the floor in the attic.

I take my eyes off the envelope in front of me

and smell the summer breeze.

I can’t bring myself to read it, it’s too hard.

Even gentle waves on the river, I can hear through the open window,

won’t calm me down.

The door slams downstairs and I immediately jump up

and run barefoot. I don’t care that the carpet is still dirty

from the Saturday’s party.

I give Darla a hug , her hair is still wet from the rain

and it leaves a big dark stain on my new silk blouse.

She follows me into the kitchen for a refreshing glass of Dr Pepper

and we both agree to go for a walk –

– it seems like a perfect way of running from my fear,

that’s still lying on that cold attic floor waiting for me to face it.

We walk towards the park and talk about Darla’s new boyfriend

and other trivial things, but I’m struggling to take my mind off the letter.

On the way to the park we nip to the small shop on the corner of Taylor Street

and buy couple of bottles of Corona and a box of Menthol Pall Malls.

I instantly open the packet and light a cigarette

thinking about the show I saw earlier on You Tube.

It was a comedy and the content was rather weak but I remember this guy

claiming that men have a ‘nothing box’ in their brains, and that they can

run into it whenever they want.

At this moment in time I wish I had a ‘nothing box’ in my head.

The sun begins to set and as we take the last sip of, already warm, Corona

we start making our way back home.

It’s almost 7 and I feel restless. As we walk into the house I hear my friends’ excited

voices in the kitchen, but I don’t stop, I run upstairs – suddenly impatient.

I sit on the freezing cold floor and start reading. My hands are shaking and I can hear

Byórk’s ‘Army of Me’ being played in the room downstairs.

And then, just like that, my world falls apart.

Bridge

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Do you remember those stars?

Their sharp almost unreachable arms

Pierced my heart so many times

It’s now numb from sorrow.

You’re still here…

Not physically,

But you are.

Everyday…

Every second..

When I rewind the frames of my memory

Or when I sail on the river of my thoughts

Every snapshot

And every flash of light

Is you.

Do you remember the delightful mornings

On our beloved fields of gold?

Or our passionate dance

vibrating in the darkness?

Or the whispering nights

Interrupted  by the melody in our ears?

Do you remember when us two

Became one?

One perfect unity

Floating to the rhythm

Of the pulsating dance floor.

But this picture fades away

With every drop of time.

And as long as the rest of hope

Holds the bridge between us

There’s still a way back…

[Bang!]

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He was so dramatic

Standing in front of the mirror

Wearing his best black suit

With red rose in the buttonhole

He placed the instrument in his mouth

And waited until it gets warm and ready

Smiling to himself with the distraction

Of a person who doesn’t feel anymore.

He pulled the trigger suddenly

And fell like a jacket

Dropped from someone’s shoulders

But his bare soul stayed there

In front of the truthful mirror

Nodding its head and smiling with predomination

Getting lighter and lighter

With every passing minute

Mountain Dew

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Is nowhere here

Or is here nowhere?

The absolute silence is almost painful

And I can hear my breath cutting

The fresh morning air

That at the dawn is so sharp

It can virtually wound my cold skin

It seems like the place is dead

But only most sensitive

And most intuitive ears

Can hear the lively sound of Earth

And if you listen closely

You will discover the secrets

Hidden underneath the peaceful exterior

The whispering of the mighty Trees

Gossiping about the awoken Sun

Determined to find its way

Between thick protective branches

A narrow mountain Torrent

Flowing fast and briskly

Smacking all the Rocks and Stones

Across their sad little faces

Trying to bring them back to life

Drops of the mountain Dew

Hanging uinsteadily from the railing

Of an old wooden bridge

Scared of drowning

In the ominous waves of the River

Almost ready to fall

But not just yet

And last but not least

Tip of the majestic Mountain

Reigning over its fellows

Creasing its forehead as

Lashed by the ruthless Wind

And desperately trying to hide

In the soft layer of blushing Clouds

One lonely Falcon

Flying in circles

And looking for answers

To all the questionnes

That haven’t even been asked yet

Feels like I’ve been watching him forever

But only a minute have gone by

Is now the time

Or is the time now?

I breathe in quietly

Scared to interrupt

Nature’s morning routine

In my head

There are answers

And I’m not affraid

To look deeper and further

As for the first time

In a significant amount of time

I hear

I feel

I want

I love

And I am

I’m scared

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I’m scared about you
I’m scared about the wind
I’m scared about someone’s life
I’m scared because I tend to

To blow the candle
And look into the future
Ask myself a question –
– What’s next, where to follow?

To know the truth
To be blissful and learn
Not to be scared to carry on
Not to be scared to live.

I’m scared about you
I’m scared about the wind
For it to blow your dreams
And for you not to understand what you’ve had.